To give birth at home; my birth story
At 00.00 on March 15, I was woken by our dog Mysak. Now I was awake and I thought I would go out to the bathroom. Once I got out of bed, I said to Mathias, "I think the water broke".
Before the birth we had discussed a lot, but mainly about what kind of birth we wanted. I had written a long birth letter to the hospital on two pages that was mostly about what I did not want, basically everything that the hospital could offer. It was probably my biggest fear, to be forced into a lot of interventions I did not want, I just wanted to get there, give birth and that the midwives and doctors would be in the background as a support in case something went wrong.
A home birth would have been the dream, but the midwife we found would have to travel about 450 km, and with the fee and travel costs it would be too expensive for us. From the beginning, I had decided that I wanted to have a doula at the birth, partly to help us withstand all the “necessary” efforts of the hospital staff and someone that could help and support us in the labor. It felt good to have another person with us who knew how we wanted it. I really recommend it, regardless of whether you have a supportive partner or not, it is good to be several people and be able to take turns.
As the estimated date approached, the Corona virus struck and we became even more thoughtful about a hospital birth. We started thinking about free birthing, ie giving birth at home unassisted without a midwife present, but it felt a little unsafe considering that we have about 1.5 hour drive to the hospital. This was a decision that felt difficult to make, I thought back and forth, felt bad about it and thought a lot and for a long time. So, in the end we decided not to decide anything, we read and prepared for a possible home birth, but not until the day comes we would decide, go or stay at home.
The day before, March 14, we had filmed the end scenes for the next episode on Youtube and decided that on Monday the 16th we would go to the nearest community and get more towels, paper towels and shower curtains (to put in bed to protect it), just so that we would be prepared if we decided on a homebirth. Mathias also found a book about home birth and asked if we should order it, I replied that it will never have time to come before the baby arrives, so instead he bought the e-book and started reading a bit.
That night it started, 10 days before the Estimated Date. We had read so much so we probably thought it would take a while before it became urgent, most women have to wait for several days, especially first-time mothers.
After the supposed water broke at 00.00, weak pains started to come at 00.20, I went back to bed and tried to sleep through it, but it was difficult. Mathias in turn sat up and started reading the e-book he had ordered, but jumped quickly to the chapter about the birth itself. Just when the water broke we were a little worried because it is usually the other way around, you get aches and then the water brakes. It can lead to complications if the pains do not start quite soon after the water has broken.
The pains continued and when we got up at 06.00 I was in a lot of pain and had to breathe through the pains, hanging on Mathias. Not wanting to sit in a car for 1.5 hours with this pain, I decided to stay at home. The decision was not difficult to make and after it was made I never felt any fear or hesitation about the decision, it felt like it should.
At 6.30 we called the doula and told that the pains came every 5 minutes, lasted for 1 minute and that we had decided to stay at home. We asked if she was now willing to come to our house instead, she was, at 09.15 she was on site and took Mathias place so he could go out to our animals.
The rest of the day is a bit of a gray area for me, I know I was breathing, breathed the word YES and tried to rest between the pains, got water and honey in me but nothing beyond that. It really hurt, I can say that, and nothing could have prepared me for the pain. There was a time towards the end when I was going to say something about "this is not possible", but I refrained from it, the kid has to come out in any case. I am so proud in retrospect that I was so strong, that I kept myself in good spirits and did not need any medical pain relief. Towards the end I was squatting, Mathias had a shawl around his shoulders that I hung and pulled at and the doula held a warm towel between my legs. The warm towel was so good and it took the edge off the burning feeling. A horrible feeling, I have never felt anything like it.
What I regret so much in retrospect is that I did not take it easy towards the end, I just wanted the baby to come out so I pushed, we were all tired after several hours of my labour work. Even though Mathias was not afraid, there was still an underlying concern and a desire to get it over with so that we would know that everything has gone well. What I would have done was to breathe through so that I had to stretch properly. Now it turned out as it did and I pushed until the baby came out, the consequence was that I got a rupture, something that otherwise in home births is not usually as common as I understand it. A good tip for expectant mothers, hurry slowly in the final phase!
The Doula asked if I wanted to receive the baby myself, but I did not. My reason for not wanting to receive the child myself was that I was afraid that I would be dirty on my hands and I did not want to give the child anything bad when he came out. Very strange thing to think, I have to blame that I was not at the full use of my mind at the time.
With one last push, the baby came and the pain subsided a bit. Mathias supported me with the shawl, Christine received and I got my little child in my arms who only after a few seconds started screaming its very first spring cry.
My first words after the birth were "What the hell" and "Damn this is absurd".
I had heard that after the birth, when you get your baby in your arms, you have such a large oxytocin surge that you do not feel any pain at all, but it is probably just a hoax. It still hurt really much, even though it was much less than during the actual labor. Christine lubricated my lips with some fetal fat because it is said to stop bleeding. I got the baby up on my stomach, where he lay and squirmed and slowly reached up to my breast to start feeding. After a long while, I realized that we had not looked whether it was a girl or a boy.
A little beautiful boy!
After Mathias and Christine cleaned away the worst mess around us and put the bloody towels and clothing in cold water, all three of us lay in bed and chatted and watched the little boy. It was such a nice and cozy atmosphere, after such a skyrocketing and intense experience, the peace of being there in the present with the people who have helped me through such an intimate and world-changing event. The support I received from both Mathias and our doula Christine was worth its weight in gold.
After about 20 minutes, the placenta wanted out, the boy was allowed to remain connected to this tree of life for at least an hour before we thought the umbilical cord looked white and relaxed. All the blood had been transferred to our little one and that was very important to me. We cut a piece of the placenta, which came out whole and fine, and I had to put it under the tongue, also something to prevent bleeding. It tasted salty.
We decided to burn off the umbilical cord, something we read about that is done in other parts of the world. With two candles, Mathias and Christine sat and burned off while me and the boy lay face to face in our safe corner. When you burn off, you also cauterize the wound and prevent bad bacteria from entering the open wound, as a severed umbilical cord actually is. After only a couple of days, the umbilical cord fell off, dried and without smelling so much at all.
So now, after all the preparation, thinking and research, he was here, our miracle!
After a couple of days when the swelling settled down a bit, Mathias looked and thought that someone else should make an assessment of the damage in my lower abdomen. We went to the delivery where a really good nurse took care of me, she took a look and described the injury as a really "nice" rupture, but wanted a doctor's assessment. She warned that the doctor was quite brusque and was not very careful in his examinations so she put on some anesthetic gel that would take the edge off it all.
Why in the world do you have a doctor at the birth who examines newly delivered moms with a brusque hand?
It went well anyway, it stung a bit but not so bad, at first he said that no stitches were needed because so many days had passed that it would neither do from nor to. I was relieved, it did not feel great to have someone put stiches in something that was still so tender. But after a while he regretted his decision and wanted to put a stitch because it was still bleeding a bit. They announced that the anesthesia would probably hurt more than the stitch itself so we did it without anesthesia, I prepared for pain but instead felt nothing at all. So strange. They came to the conclusion that I had a grade 2 rupture.
For maybe two weeks I had to rinse with water when I peed because it stung so terribly. I had received a special bottle from a friend so you could spray water while urinating, lifesaver!
It took quite a long time before we could decide what his name would be, but after much deliberation we named him Ivar Tage. Ivar because we liked it and Tage after my long-deceased grandfather.
Today Ivar is over 7 months old and time is running. We are tired parents of a small child with too many projects and too little time. I suffer from severe breastfeeding brain and it feels like my head is full of cotton most of the time, but Ivar is our biggest, funniest and best adventure we could ever dream of, following his progress is the most exciting thing there is.
To see our videos from and about the pregnancy and labour, follow the links below.
