Posts in Home birth
To give birth at home; what happens next?

The baby has arrived, the hardest part is over, right?

You might think that it is the birth that should be the hardest, but for me it was actually taking up the fight with the “authorities” afterwards that was the most stressful, when you just want to enjoy being with the child and rest.

 

We probably thought it would be easier than it was. The day after the birth, we talked on the phone with a midwife who sent a home-made form she usually uses to register children born at home with her support. A form where it is announced that a LIVING boy / girl has been born this and that time, all the mother's information and we also added testimonies and signatures from those who were present.

The different paths for a registration after delivery can usually be as follows:

1. You give birth in a hospital and they register the birth of the child.

2. You have a midwife attending your homebirth who registers the baby when he/she is born.

3. You give birth at home / in the car / elsewhere but go directly to the hospital afterwards for check-up and care, they register the child at the hospital.

4. You give birth at home, unassisted, and do not go to the hospital afterwards, you can (try) to register the birth yourself.

 

We sent the paper to the tax office and called a week later to see if it had arrived and how the case went. The woman on the phone replied that they had not received any such paper and she did not find a case when she searched for my social security number, moreover it was completely wrong to do so and such a paper would not be approved in any case.

According to her, we would both have to go to a tax office together with little Ivar, bring our ID documents, the maternity certificate and all the mother's information on a piece of paper. Simply show the boy to the employees in the office, think Simba in the Lion King...

The same day we spoke to this woman on the phone, a letter arrives in the mail from another caseworker at the tax office who started a case based on the information we sent in last week, so the paper had arrived and there was a case… What are they doing over there? The letter said about the same things she said on the phone, go to an office and then send all those papers to her again.

The next day we collected all the paperwork and went to the tax office, 1.5 hours away. Outside stands a guard who will make sure that there are not too many people in the room due to the scamdemic. It doesn’t feel so good to be going around the city with a newborn baby in this weird time. This was all happening in the end of march 2020, when nobody knew much about what was going on.

The woman in the office sees the boy, testifies with a note that she has seen a child, collects the maternity certificate and my information with testimonies and takes copies of the ID documents, everything is put in an envelope and sent to the administrator we received a letter from. Nice to get it done, maybe there will be some order now so that we can also apply for parental benefit and get child allowance. An obvious problem with this is that we could have actually taken any child into the office and shown to them. There is no evidence whatsoever that Ivar is Ivar in this situation.

 

A week later, the next letter arrives in the mail from another administrator who says that they must have a certificate from the healthcare unit, we do not understand because we sent my maternity certificate in the mail. After another conversation with the “tax-authorities” about what they really want, it appears that the maternity certificate that we sent in was not enough because it only testified that I was pregnant, not that I actually had a child. Why in the world do you not clarify this from the beginning then? How can I know that there is another maternity certificate than the one I already received?

We must therefore send in a certificate from the hospital where a midwife or doctor certifies and testifies that the child has been pushed out of my uterus, a person without a doctor's title cannot do this, because that is for some reason, not enough. We point out what a stupid rule this is and that it does not work in this case, no one in the healthcare has actually been involved and seen that a child has been born, however, we have sent in testimonies from those who were involved, signatures, phone numbers and so on, isn’t that enough? Think of all the other occasions that testimony applies, why not now? The administrator only says "this is the rules, contact the healthcare for help".

The healthcare peoples gets a headache, our maternity center nurse says that of course she believes that I have given birth to a child, but at the same time she cannot testify to it because then she is lying, because she was not present when it happened. There we have it, how can the doctors certify that a child was born when they were not present? Our witnesses were present and saw it happen, but they are apparently not good enough for the authority.

Our maternity center nurse continues to think about solutions and finally she books us in with a doctor who knows who we are and who we are familiar with, bring ID and the child, so she can write a few lines that she has met a child. The problem with this solution is still that we could borrow any child and bring along to the meeting, how can the doctor know that it is ours? The fact that we also do not want to go to the hospital with our newborn child due to scamdemic hysteria, contributes to our reluctance to choose this alternative. Everything feels absurd.

 

Mathias, who is angry that the “tax-authorities” have such rigid rules and that they do not work in cases like this, calls and talks to another administrator who finally says that her boss should call us after many repetitions that "it says so in the rules" , yes we know, the thing is we want to make it clear that it does not work properly in cases like this, so what should we do? We wait all day and finally the same woman calls back and says that she has discussed with her boss and that they have now registered Ivar, he has a social security number. The feeling was kind of “we do it like this, this time, but do not do it again.”

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So, I do not really know, did they realise that the rules did not work for us, did they make an exception due to the scamdemic or something else or did they not have the strength to keep arguing with a constantly questioning Mathias?!

Update: We ended the original text with this paragraph:

If there are going to be more children here at Talasbuan, we will probably have to think beforehand about how to handle the registration of the child, I cannot bear this carousel again, why should something so natural become so complicated.

This is very interesting. After learning much about the illusion of authority and natural law lately. We now know there is nothing natural about the procedure to “register” a child. This explains the hardships we had with registering Ivar, because we did not follow their ritual to make Ivar a “person”. If we would have known this then, perhaps we would not have registered our son. At the time, the parental benefits from the so called state was very helpful for us, since we where in the beginning of unlearning that we are victims and just started to stand on our own legs.

 

To give birth at home; my birth story

At 00.00 on March 15, I was woken by our dog Mysak. Now I was awake and I thought I would go out to the bathroom. Once I got out of bed, I said to Mathias, "I think the water broke".

 Before the birth we had discussed a lot, but mainly about what kind of birth we wanted. I had written a long birth letter to the hospital on two pages that was mostly about what I did not want, basically everything that the hospital could offer. It was probably my biggest fear, to be forced into a lot of interventions I did not want, I just wanted to get there, give birth and that the midwives and doctors would be in the background as a support in case something went wrong.

 A home birth would have been the dream, but the midwife we ​​found would have to travel about 450 km, and with the fee and travel costs it would be too expensive for us. From the beginning, I had decided that I wanted to have a doula at the birth, partly to help us withstand all the “necessary” efforts of the hospital staff and someone that could help and support us in the labor. It felt good to have another person with us who knew how we wanted it. I really recommend it, regardless of whether you have a supportive partner or not, it is good to be several people and be able to take turns.

 As the estimated date approached, the Corona virus struck and we became even more thoughtful about a hospital birth. We started thinking about free birthing, ie giving birth at home unassisted without a midwife present, but it felt a little unsafe considering that we have about 1.5 hour drive to the hospital. This was a decision that felt difficult to make, I thought back and forth, felt bad about it and thought a lot and for a long time. So, in the end we decided not to decide anything, we read and prepared for a possible home birth, but not until the day comes we would decide, go or stay at home.

 The day before, March 14, we had filmed the end scenes for the next episode on Youtube and decided that on Monday the 16th we would go to the nearest community and get more towels, paper towels and shower curtains (to put in bed to protect it), just so that we would be prepared if we decided on a homebirth. Mathias also found a book about home birth and asked if we should order it, I replied that it will never have time to come before the baby arrives, so instead he bought the e-book and started reading a bit.

 That night it started, 10 days before the Estimated Date. We had read so much so we probably thought it would take a while before it became urgent, most women have to wait for several days, especially first-time mothers.

After the supposed water broke at 00.00, weak pains started to come at 00.20, I went back to bed and tried to sleep through it, but it was difficult. Mathias in turn sat up and started reading the e-book he had ordered, but jumped quickly to the chapter about the birth itself. Just when the water broke we were a little worried because it is usually the other way around, you get aches and then the water brakes. It can lead to complications if the pains do not start quite soon after the water has broken.

The pains continued and when we got up at 06.00 I was in a lot of pain and had to breathe through the pains, hanging on Mathias. Not wanting to sit in a car for 1.5 hours with this pain, I decided to stay at home. The decision was not difficult to make and after it was made I never felt any fear or hesitation about the decision, it felt like it should.

At 6.30 we called the doula and told that the pains came every 5 minutes, lasted for 1 minute and that we had decided to stay at home. We asked if she was now willing to come to our house instead, she was, at 09.15 she was on site and took Mathias place so he could go out to our animals.

The rest of the day is a bit of a gray area for me, I know I was breathing, breathed the word YES and tried to rest between the pains, got water and honey in me but nothing beyond that. It really hurt, I can say that, and nothing could have prepared me for the pain. There was a time towards the end when I was going to say something about "this is not possible", but I refrained from it, the kid has to come out in any case. I am so proud in retrospect that I was so strong, that I kept myself in good spirits and did not need any medical pain relief. Towards the end I was squatting, Mathias had a shawl around his shoulders that I hung and pulled at and the doula held a warm towel between my legs. The warm towel was so good and it took the edge off the burning feeling. A horrible feeling, I have never felt anything like it.

What I regret so much in retrospect is that I did not take it easy towards the end, I just wanted the baby to come out so I pushed, we were all tired after several hours of my labour work. Even though Mathias was not afraid, there was still an underlying concern and a desire to get it over with so that we would know that everything has gone well. What I would have done was to breathe through so that I had to stretch properly. Now it turned out as it did and I pushed until the baby came out, the consequence was that I got a rupture, something that otherwise in home births is not usually as common as I understand it. A good tip for expectant mothers, hurry slowly in the final phase!

The Doula asked if I wanted to receive the baby myself, but I did not. My reason for not wanting to receive the child myself was that I was afraid that I would be dirty on my hands and I did not want to give the child anything bad when he came out. Very strange thing to think, I have to blame that I was not at the full use of my mind at the time.

With one last push, the baby came and the pain subsided a bit. Mathias supported me with the shawl, Christine received and I got my little child in my arms who only after a few seconds started screaming its very first spring cry.

 

My first words after the birth were "What the hell" and "Damn this is absurd".


I had heard that after the birth, when you get your baby in your arms, you have such a large oxytocin surge that you do not feel any pain at all, but it is probably just a hoax. It still hurt really much, even though it was much less than during the actual labor. Christine lubricated my lips with some fetal fat because it is said to stop bleeding. I got the baby up on my stomach, where he lay and squirmed and slowly reached up to my breast to start feeding. After a long while, I realized that we had not looked whether it was a girl or a boy.

A little beautiful boy!

 

After Mathias and Christine cleaned away the worst mess around us and put the bloody towels and clothing in cold water, all three of us lay in bed and chatted and watched the little boy. It was such a nice and cozy atmosphere, after such a skyrocketing and intense experience, the peace of being there in the present with the people who have helped me through such an intimate and world-changing event. The support I received from both Mathias and our doula Christine was worth its weight in gold.

After about 20 minutes, the placenta wanted out, the boy was allowed to remain connected to this tree of life for at least an hour before we thought the umbilical cord looked white and relaxed. All the blood had been transferred to our little one and that was very important to me. We cut a piece of the placenta, which came out whole and fine, and I had to put it under the tongue, also something to prevent bleeding. It tasted salty.

We decided to burn off the umbilical cord, something we read about that is done in other parts of the world. With two candles, Mathias and Christine sat and burned off while me and the boy lay face to face in our safe corner. When you burn off, you also cauterize the wound and prevent bad bacteria from entering the open wound, as a severed umbilical cord actually is. After only a couple of days, the umbilical cord fell off, dried and without smelling so much at all.

So now, after all the preparation, thinking and research, he was here, our miracle!

After a couple of days when the swelling settled down a bit, Mathias looked and thought that someone else should make an assessment of the damage in my lower abdomen. We went to the delivery where a really good nurse took care of me, she took a look and described the injury as a really "nice" rupture, but wanted a doctor's assessment. She warned that the doctor was quite brusque and was not very careful in his examinations so she put on some anesthetic gel that would take the edge off it all.

Why in the world do you have a doctor at the birth who examines newly delivered moms with a brusque hand?

It went well anyway, it stung a bit but not so bad, at first he said that no stitches were needed because so many days had passed that it would neither do from nor to. I was relieved, it did not feel great to have someone put stiches in something that was still so tender. But after a while he regretted his decision and wanted to put a stitch because it was still bleeding a bit. They announced that the anesthesia would probably hurt more than the stitch itself so we did it without anesthesia, I prepared for pain but instead felt nothing at all. So strange. They came to the conclusion that I had a grade 2 rupture.

For maybe two weeks I had to rinse with water when I peed because it stung so terribly. I had received a special bottle from a friend so you could spray water while urinating, lifesaver!


It took quite a long time before we could decide what his name would be, but after much deliberation we named him Ivar Tage. Ivar because we liked it and Tage after my long-deceased grandfather.

Today Ivar is over 7 months old and time is running. We are tired parents of a small child with too many projects and too little time. I suffer from severe breastfeeding brain and it feels like my head is full of cotton most of the time, but Ivar is our biggest, funniest and best adventure we could ever dream of, following his progress is the most exciting thing there is.

To see our videos from and about the pregnancy and labour, follow the links below.

The announcement of my pregnancy

The birth of Ivar

We talk about the labour

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Home birthTalasbuanComment
Books and resources about birth and home birth

This is a list of books and resources we found interesting about pregnancy and giving birth. We dont necessarily agree with everything they say but they contain a lot of good information. As always, read a lot and form your own opinion.

Click here to see the video The birth of Ivar

Click here to see the video Off Grid Home Birth - Part II

Books

Home Birth On Your Own Terms: A How To Guide For Birthing Unassisted

by Heather Baker

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44664918-home-birth-on-your-own-terms?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=Rvs5DXquOK&rank=1

 Really good book, short texts about a lot of subjects regarding birth and very informative. Good to read if you are having a homebirth but also if you are going into the hospital, will prepare you.

 

The Mama Natural Week-by-Week Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth

by Genevieve Howland

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29430619-the-mama-natural-week-by-week-guide-to-pregnancy-and-childbirth?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=p6GmgW9Yeh&rank=1

 A lot of good and nice information, a lot of information of the system in the US so especially good for those who lives there, but gives you a good overlook of a more natural birth, recipes and home remedies.

 

 Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

by Ina May Gaskin

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32127.Ina_May_s_Guide_to_Childbirth?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=4qPuU7LW4A&rank=1

 Inspirational and informative, liked it.

 

Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding

by Ina May Gaskin

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6280801-ina-may-s-guide-to-breastfeeding

 Before your child arrives almost no one talks about the breastfeeding part, you just think it will go smoothly. Luckily it did for me but many have problems. Good to read about it in beforehand.

 

Att föda: En barnmorskas tankar, råd och erfarenheter

by Gudrun Abascal

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11982367-att-f-da?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=Y7zr9bJy6K&rank=3

 Informative but not the best book in my opinion, I got the feeling when she described the procedures at the hospital that they do this and that, not that you have an option to choose what you want. Maybe I got it wrong but this pregnancy it didn’t fall into my favourites.

 

Föda utan rädsla

by Susanna Heli

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11528280-f-da-utan-r-dsla?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=qFKJoMkbCZ&rank=1

 Good book on how to prepare yourself and give birth without fear, liked it.

 

The Nourishing Traditions Book of Baby & Child Care

by Sally Fallon MorellThomas S. Cowan

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15940559-the-nourishing-traditions-book-of-baby-child-care?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=ldaJUk8xUg&rank=3

 One of the best books! Loaded with good information, advice and nutrition facts, if you believe in the Nourishing traditions of WAPF (Weston A Price Foundation). Read it long before you plan to get pregnant to get the best start for your baby.

The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost

by Jean Liedloff

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/331046.The_Continuum_Concept?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=bAWOqXcPj8&rankSo interesting, read it!

Föd på dina villkor

Och

Gravid med kropp och själ.

by Maria Bengtsson Lenn och Victoria Häggblom

Liked the first book, Föd på dina villkor, very much. Informative and nice. The second book, Gravid med Kropp och själ, I didn’t like that much, don’t know why really.

Bebis på pottan - din guide till EC och potträning

by Casselbrant, Ulrika

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28477406-bebis-p-pottan---din-guide-till-ec-och-pottr-ning?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=zW7iYMc7wR&rank=1

 How to potty your baby, good one!

Babytecken

by Ulrika Casselbrant

 https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35826411-babytecken?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=3fPLiQG7HP&rank=2

 How to read your baby and also how to communicate with your baby.

Links

In Swedish

https://www.fodelsehuset.se

https://www.doula.nu

http://www.ecsweden.se

http://blojfribebis.se/babypottning/

https://www.födahemma.se

https://enbrastart.se

http://födamedstöd.se

In English

https://www.freebirthsociety.com

https://www.mamanatural.com

https://spinningbabies.com

https://www.dietdoctor.com/trying-conceive-try-better-baby-diet-beef-butter-bacon

https://godiaperfree.com/elimination-communication/

https://www.thenappylady.co.uk/news/terry-squares-prefold-nappies.html

https://www.cochrane.org/CD000352/PREG_benefits-and-harms-of-planned-hospital-birth-compared-with-planned-home-birth-for-low-risk-pregnant-women

Podcasts and talks

In Swedish

https://podcasts.nu/poddar/doulapodden

https://podcasts.nu/poddar/forlossningspodden-allt-det-dar-vi-inte-pratar-om

 In English

https://www.westonaprice.org/podcast/

https://youtu.be/u-GgaswkgXI - Having a Healthy Pregnancy - Sally Fallon Morell

 

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